3 different ways to view healthy boundaries
Boundaries are important for healthy relationships. Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistBy Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT says,
Most of the time, people are not trying to violate your limits — they just aren’t aware of what they are. Sometimes, this is because we are not clear with ourselves or other people about what we want or need.
I totally agree with her, so lets talk about it. There are three different perspectives of boundaries. Boundaries set to respect yourself, boundaries you set to help others respect you, and other’s boundaries set to help you respect them. Here are some examples of boundaries that can be set from different perspectives.
Boundaries set to respect yourself
I will not eat sugar after 9pm
I will not answer my phone before 8am and after 10pm
Social media will be a reward for productivity
Boundaries set for others’ to respect you
When we go out tonight, I can’t drink anything with sugar.
Please do not call me before 8am or after 10pm unless it’s an emergency
I can’t always respond to your comments right away because I am working
Boundaries other’s set to help you respect them
When we go out, I have to leave by 11 pm because I have work in the morning
I don’t use my phone while I’m working out, I’ll get back to you when I’m done.
Please don’t message me on social media, it makes me uncomfortable.
What’s important and what makes you and others feel safe is consistency. I have trouble with consistency. I get too tired sometimes to be assertive with myself and others. That’s when things get confusing and then lines get blurred where they don’t have to be.
Sometimes boundaries change. Sometimes they are needed in some places and not in others. Regardless, you should always take time to reflect on where boundaries should be added or removed.
I’m still learning to set and be consistent with my own boundaries. The way learning to have boundaries works best is when we all respect each others boundaries and learn to understand what boundaries to set.
If you enjoyed this and want to learn more there’s also different types of boundaries. You can find different types of boundaries and examples here
6 Types Of Boundaries You Deserve To Have (And How To Maintain Them)
Many people have the wrong idea about boundaries. They believe that they already have good boundaries when in reality…
This is also where I got the quote from. This can be tough work but it’s definitely worth it. Let’s start building healthy relationships.