and why it’s important to know this.
There are things that should be handled directly. And then there are things like flirting, that have a casual build up. I think it’s ok to be indirect with a sweet smile when you’re flirting. Because most times it takes so many words in order to really process what a problem is. It takes a focused conversation. It takes patience. So, I like to think of flirting as an escape from needing to be articulate and that it just makes a suggestion in few simple words.
I might just like you, Ms. Johnson.
It’s vague, seductive, sends the point home, not articulate at all, but does its job. This is in my opinion an acceptable form of flirting. If you really Ms. Johnson, of course. If you don’t, well, that’s manipulating.
The point is, conversation is always to convey something. A concept, a feeling, an experience whatever. In an honest human being, the point is always trying to use the best combination of words to get the complete truth across. Some people try their best to make the story interesting. Some people just convey it the best they can, but either way, a conversation between two people has a sort of universal balance. One speaks while the other listens and vice versa. A lot of times we get so excited during a conversation that we interrupt the person speaking, which is super normal.
There are also different social expectations with conversation. There are conversations that are welcomed in some places and not others. There are conversations that are taboo among different genders or classes. Religions, beliefs, and superstitions all affect how we converse. Conversations have steps, and rules and expectations. If we want listeners, we converse one way. If we simply want to listen, we converse another way.
Why is it important to know this?
I think some of us have been in such toxic relationships that we forget that conversation is a dance. That honest people do exist and that they are not always trying to get one over on you. I think we’ve been betrayed so many times that conversation has become less of a dance and more of a battle. Trust is hard after betrayal. Conversations are hard after being with a narcissistic butthead. But I can tell you, I’m honest about my feelings, I’m as accountable as I can be, and I’m worth trusting. So if I’m this way, there has got to be more people like me. I want to believe people. I want to take turns dancing in conversation without the other person thinking I’m just trying to get one over on them.
I think now is a good time to start valuing conversation for what it is and not what our fears tell us it is.
This doesn’t mean ignore major red flags. Look at someones behaviors. Are their behaviors in line with your fears? Do they show up when they say? Do they give you space when you ask for it. Do they respect your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries? Have you caught them in lies before or have they been upfront and honest with you? These are all questions to ask yourself when it comes to whether you’re acting out of past fears or if they are really trying to get one over on you. These are always good questions.